


Elimidate: Brienne Tarth

by jenoftarth



Series: Elimidate: Westeros [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Competition, F/M, First Dates, Fluff, Making Out, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:46:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenoftarth/pseuds/jenoftarth
Summary: Sporty Brienne Tarth is tonight's sexy single on "Elimidate." She'll have to choose one of 4 eligible bachelors, all eager to take her home. Who will surprise her, who will disappoint her, and who will take her home? Join us for the latest episode of "Elimidate."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In the early 2000s I really loved watching "Elimidate" which would come on at around 10 or 11 in syndication. You can still catch some full episodes on Youtube, although, sadly they are less interesting than I remember them being, usually devolving into the men insulting each other while the woman watches from the sidelines. This Westerosi version of "Elimidate" takes the fun I remember and injects a bit more class.

Brienne had been desperate to make some quick money, so she’d thrown a bunch of things at the wall to see what would stick. She’d already donated plasma (twice), sold of all her books and DVDs and babysat for the Freys. She’d never do the latter again; there were about 12 children in that family and they all had a variation on the same first name. 

Brienne needed the money to finance the rest of her tuition, but this dating show that Margaery Tyrell had signed her up for was really getting desperate. Still, it paid $500 a day plus royalties for just a few days’ work. _And public embarrassment_ , Brienne thought. _Don’t forget the public embarrassment_.

Brienne had not been on many dates, and most of those she had been on had been set-ups by her dad. Despite their recent fall on hard times she came from a “good family.” Some guys were interested in that sort of thing. Brienne was not interested in that sort of guy. Truth be told, after her best friend/crush Renly had turned out to be gay she had written off the idea of dating altogether, at least until she finished her degree in Physical Education at Storm’s End University. Brienne had her goals and intended to concentrate on them. 

For today, though, she would have to play along and pretend to be really interested in finding love. Or a hook-up. Margaery had warned her, somewhat apologetically, that the show could get really slutty, really fast. There was usually a hot tub involved and making out with at least one guy, if not 3 or 4. But, Margaery assured her, since Brienne was going to be the featured bachelorette, she would be in charge of choosing which guys would stay or leave. That gave her, at least, some small measure of relief.

Catelyn Stark, the director of her episode, had phoned and explained the show to her. She would meet four men from all around Westeros. There would be 3 rounds of dates. At the end of each date she’d eliminate one of the men. Brienne was allowed to choose the venue for the first date, but the producers would be selecting “appropriate” venues for the other two. Brienne could only assume this was where the hot tubs came in. 

Now that the day was here, Brienne was squirming in the makeup chair. This had definitely all been a mistake, but what could she do? She had already deposited the first check from the producers. Sansa Stark seemed to be enjoying putting foundation and mascara on her. It was all she could do to stop her from adding blush, eyeshadow and lipstick. 

“It’s okay, Sansa,” said Catelyn. “It’s better if she has the natural look. We’ve never had a woman like Brienne on the show before.” 

Brienne wondered if she should take that as a compliment. Comments about her appearance generally weren’t.

Now it was time for Brienne to film her scripted introduction. She’d asked Renly to help her write it, since she had no idea how to recommend herself to the opposite sex, and Renly had at least told her that if he were straight she would have been his first choice. 

Brienne spoke into the camera. “I’m Brienne Tarth. I’m 21 years old, and I’m looking for a man who can keep up with me. I enjoy all types of sports, especially fencing, martial arts, swimming and volleyball. I’m studying to be a physical education teacher at Storm’s End University, and on the weekends I like to have a few drinks with friends.” 

That last part wasn’t strictly true. Brienne didn’t really drink at all, but Renly recommended that she add one hobby that didn’t sound so serious. All of it felt ridiculously unnatural coming out of her mouth as she pretended to ride a bike down the street. _Who rode a bike so slowly wearing such short shorts_? Brienne had absolutely refused to wear a dress or a skirt, so the small khaki green shorts with a sporty tank top had been the compromise they had arrived at. Thinking about it later, Brienne realized that she was actually showing more skin than she would have been in a dress.

“That’s great,” Catelyn said, when Brienne was finished. “Now let’s get over to the park to meet the guys.”

Catelyn, Bronn the executive producer, Podrick the cameraman, Hodor the boom mic operator and Sansa the make-up artist all rode over with Brienne in the Elimidate Van. When they arrived at the park, Westeros Sword Fighting Supplies were already there to deliver the props for Brienne’s first date, blunted swords and armor.

 

ROUND 1

Brienne was truly stunned by the first man who walked up for their date. He was actually taller and broader than her, with a wild red beard and even wilder eyes. He looked very happy to see her, as if she was a long-lost friend, but he wasn’t. Brienne definitely would’ve remembered meeting _him_.

“Hi, my name’s Tormund,” he said. But instead of shaking Brienne’s extended hand, he grabbed her and pulled her in for a tight bear hug. 

“Oof,” Brienne said, experiencing the odd sensation of having the wind knocked out of her. “Pleased to meet you?” she said.

“Aye, pleased to meet you too. You’re a big woman,” he said.

“Excuse me?” Brienne said. She wasn’t sure if she liked his tone. 

“Just that, well, you’re the kind of woman who I could see having a big family with, if you know what I mean.” His smile bordered on maniacal.

“I think it’s a little early for that,” Brienne said disapprovingly, folding her arms over her chest.

The second man to arrive _did_ look familiar to Brienne. As he got closer Brienne saw why. It had been a few years, but it was clearly Hyle Hunt. They’d gone to high school together and they had, well, _a past_.

“Hyle,” Brienne said, holding out her hand.

“Brienne,” he said, looking shocked but somewhat pleased, “I’m glad to see you.”

Brienne raised an eyebrow, but shook his hand politely.

“Wait a minute,” Tormund said, “You two know each other?” 

“Yes, we went to school together,” Hyle said.

“That hardly seems fair,” Tormund says, “although, if you already knew the lady and you weren’t man enough to win her I hardly think you’re going to get her today.”

“What can I say,” Hyle said sadly, “I was stupid in high school.” Hyle looked at Brienne apologetically. 

_Stupid was an understatement_ , Brienne thought. Hyle had been part of a charming bet to see who could take Brienne’s virginity. Entry into the competition was $50, and the pot had gotten to over $1000 before Renly had found out about it and Principal Tarly had put an end to the whole thing. 

Hyle had apologized for his involvement on the last day of their senior year and claimed that he’d always found her attractive. But Brienne wasn’t impressed then, and she wasn’t sure whether she shouldn’t just immediately “elimidate” him right now.

Brienne might have had some stern words for him, but before she could say anything, the third contestant appeared. He was a very attractive olive-skinned man who looked a bit older than the other two, and Brienne found herself feeling excited for the first time. Brienne held out her hand to shake his, but he took it and kissed it.

“Hello, I’m Oberyn Martell,” he said, looking into her eyes seductively.

“Brienne Tarth,” she said, a bit breathily. He was somewhat shorter than her, but clearly he worked out. She would be interested to spar with him and see if he had any skills in that arena. 

“Dornish are you?” asked Hyle, taking his measure.

“Of course,” Oberyn said. “I’m a travel writer, though. I spend time all over the seven kingdoms.”

Brienne had rarely traveled but she enjoyed it when she could. 

“I’m a sales executive,” Hyle said abruptly. “I made a lot of money last year.”

“You didn’t go to college, then?” Brienne asked.

“No,” Hyle said, “No sense running up a debt when you can make money fast.” 

“I don’t have much use for schooling either,” Tormund said. “I own a cabin in the woods, hunt my own food, live completely off the grid. No need to bend and scrape to anyone.” 

Brienne had to admit that Tormund’s philosophy was interesting. Her own father, Selwyn, valued his independence. But she also admired a man with a little bit of learning.

Finally the fourth contestant arrived, looking a bit lost. He was scanning the park. He spotted their group but quickly looked past them. Finally, rather than joining the group directly, he strode up to Catelyn and Bronn.

“Excuse me,” he said, “My name is Jaime Lannister. I’m looking for the ‘Elimidate’ taping.”

Brienne, Tormund, Hyle and Oberyn all watched with bemusement as Catelyn Stark pointed the newcomer over to their cluster. 

“It’s right here, Mr. Lannister. There’s your date.”

Jaime looked over at the group and scanned each face. When he looked at Brienne, he raised his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said, with surprise. He walked over to her. “I’m sorry. You’re just, well, you’re very tall for a woman, and muscular.”

Brienne sighed. _So it was going to be like that._ She supposed she should be grateful that 3 out of 4 of her dates hadn’t mistaken her for a man, even if one thought her size would be advantageous for childbearing, and the other had been a jerk to her in high school. _I guess I’ll have to pretend real hard that Oberyn didn’t win in Round 1_ , Brienne thought. _For the sake of the audience_.

“What’s the matter, boy, you’re afraid you’re not up to the task of wooing this lady?” Tormund asked.

“No,” Jaime said, looking right at Brienne. “I’m strong enough.” He gave Brienne a winning smile, and somehow a sliver of her annoyance melted under it. _Well he’s handsome enough to look at._ Brienne would give him that.

Hyle spoke up then. “We were all talking about what we do for a living. How about you,-”

“Jaime,” Jaime said, still looking at Brienne.

“Jaime, what do you do?” Hyle repeated.

Jaime sighed as if it were the least interesting question in the world. “I’m Executive Vice President of Lannister Corporation.”

 _Oh_ , Brienne thought, _**that** Lannister. So he’s rich._ Brienne raised her eyebrows and reappraised him. His family had a reputation for ruthless business deals and extravagant living. Gossip magazines had linked him romantically to his sister of all things. 

Hyle was looking at him with similar interest. Oberyn seemed indifferent. Scandal and wealth didn’t mean much in Dorne. And Jaime’s name didn’t appear to register at all to Tormund. Brienne wondered, not for the first time, whether Tormund had wandered straight out of a bear cave into this city park.

“Right,” Brienne said. “Now that we know who everyone is, should we get started?”

“What about you?” Jaime asked Brienne. “What do _you_ do?” Brienne realized suddenly that no one else had bothered to wonder.

“I’m in my third year at Storm’s End University, training to be a physical education teacher.”

“That’s cool,” Jaime said, seeming sincere. “What age students do you want to work with?”

“High school,” Brienne said. “Those can be hard years, but my coaches really helped me through them.” She couldn’t help but glance over at Hyle who had the good sense to look ashamed.

“I really am sorry, by the way,” Jaime said. “You’re a very attractive woman. It’s just, well, your hair and height. I wasn’t expecting anyone as intriguing as you.” Jaime flashed her another smile which animated his sparkling green eyes. 

Brienne blushed. Clearly this man could choose his words well when he wasn’t too busy putting his foot in his mouth. Fine, then. She would give him a chance. Let’s see how he fared in the first part of the date.

“So,” Brienne said to the gathered men, giving the first of the speeches she’d had to prepare in order to introduce each round of dates. “I like an active man who can keep up with me. One of my favorite hobbies is sword-fighting. Today I thought we could try some sword-fighting practice with blunted swords. After we go over the basics, I’ll challenge each of you to a duel.”

Brienne looked around, expecting to see looks of shock or dismay, but only Hyle looked a little sick. Brienne knew that he could fence a little - everyone at Storm’s End Prep had some training. But she didn’t recall him being very good at it. Tormund was already picking up the blunted sword inquisitively in his strong arms. Oberyn smiled as if he knew what he was doing. But it was Jaime, to her surprise, who looked absolutely gleeful.

“Have you done this sort of thing before Jaime?” Oberyn asked.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve won some competitions.”

 

“So have I, as a matter of fact,” said Oberyn. “Would you like to spar with me first?”

“Why not?” Jaime said. 

The two men quickly picked out swords and protective gear and stepped aside to fight each other. The others couldn’t help but watch. 

Oberyn was incredibly quick. His moves were fluid like a dancer’s. But Jaime dodged or parried every blow as if he could do this in his sleep. Jaime was observant, patient and ultimately successful. He fought Oberyn to the ground, where the Dornishman yielded, laughing as Jaime gave him a hand up.

“Good fight,” Jaime said.

“Yes, it was,” Oberyn said. “I rarely get any decent competition outside of Dorne.”

“Well let’s see how the wench does,” Jaime said, laughing.

“Wench?” Brienne said. 

“Oh, sorry,” Jaime said. “I- uh… read a lot of Medieval books. You know. Fantasy type stuff.”

Tormund laughed. “Of course you do. City folks can’t live off the land, so they pretend to live in far off times to feel like a man. Here. Fight me,” Tormund said.

Brienne had wanted to challenge Jaime herself. But Tormund had already taken up arms against Jaime, so Brienne decided to take on Hyle.

“Umm… Brienne… I’m a bit out of practice,” Hyle said nervously. 

“That’s okay. I’ll go easy on you,” Brienne said.

She only lied a little. Brienne patiently avoided hitting Hyle for a minute or two, to create some semblance of a competition, but then she got bored and quickly knocked him to the ground. She had to admit it felt satisfying to pay him back for his high school crimes. 

When she gave Hyle a hand up, she noticed that Jaime and Tormund were still fighting, though Tormund looked considerably worse for wear. The bigger man was huffing and bashing at Jaime with the sword as if it were a club, while Jaime stepped out of his blows with comical ease.

Oberyn was quietly laughing on the sidelines. “No style, that one,” said Oberyn. Brienne had to agree. Jaime saw Oberyn and Brienne watching, landed two good blows, and quickly dispatched Tormund, who cursed as his sword was knocked from his hands.

Tormund looked at Brienne, his face as red as his beard, and picked up the dropped sword. Jaime strode over to her side, looking far too cocky.

“So, wench,” he said, “will you fight the winner?” _He was referring to himself in the third person, how precious._ But she couldn’t resist a good fight. 

“Yes, but I’m not sure if I’m okay with you calling me wench.”

“Tell you what?” he said. “If I win I get to call you wench. If you win,”

“I get to send you home,” Brienne said.

Jaime looked nervous and opened his mouth to protest, but then smiled. “Of course, wench. If you still want to send me home after our fight, I accept your terms.”

Jaime and Brienne took up their positions as the others watched from the sidelines.

Brienne had not been beaten in a sword fight since she was a beginner. That had been a very long time ago. Since then Brienne had learned everything her fencing instructors could teach her, then joined a group of historical reenactors who practiced with blunted swords once a week. She’d also won tournaments, though she didn’t feel the need to share that. Let Jaime underestimate her, she would use it to her advantage.

Brienne let Jaime strike first. She parried, but was disappointed when she failed to land her own blow. Jaime dodged smoothly then nearly got in a hit to her chest. She blocked it just in time. They both retreated for a moment, looking for clues in each other’s stance, trying to find a tell. Then they both struck out at the same time and their swords rang together. _Gods, Jaime was still smiling._ It was distracting, if Brienne were honest. She nearly failed to block his next blow, but recovered quickly, advancing on him and pushing him towards Podrick the cameraman. 

“Hold it there,” the boom mic operator said, as Jaime nearly backed into him.

Brienne backed off for the sake of the crew, drawing Jaime’s own advance towards her. He struck out so quickly that Brienne was actually hard-pressed to block him. But she did. For what felt like an hour, but was probably more like 5 minutes, they continued to spar, several times blocking each other's blows just inches apart, so that Brienne could see beads of sweat forming on Jaime’s brow. 

She was not tired. She could do this all day. But the director was growing impatient. 

“I’m sorry to say, dears, but we’re going to have to move on to Round 2. Let’s get some footage of you fighting close together like that, and then I’d like you both to say ‘truce.’ Can we do that?”

Jaime and Brienne looked at Catelyn Stark as if she were speaking a foreign language, but clumsily recreated the action and managed to say ‘truce’ with the acceptable volume and conviction on the third take.

“I guess that’s a draw, Brienne,” Jaime added. “I’ll try not to call you wench.”

“Fine then. I’ll try not to send you home.”

“Speaking of sending someone home, it’s that time,” said Bronn, the executive producer. “Who’s it going to be? Remember you need to give a reason why for the camera.”

Brienne didn’t have much trouble with her first decision. Oberyn was an obvious keeper; he was the whole package. Tormund was at least intriguing, and she imagined he’d make for good television. And Jaime, Jaime had made an initial bad impression, but between his sword-fighting skills and that killer smile, Brienne couldn’t bring herself to send him home… yet. 

Hyle Hunt was an easy sacrifice. He seemed nicer than he had been in high school, but Brienne was ready to put her past all the way behind her.

“Sorry, Hyle,” she said at the end of her speech. “I have to elimidate you.”

“It was nice seeing you again,” Hyle said. “I hope you find a good man today.”

“Thank you,” Brienne said. She had to admit, this experience had given her a little bit of peace regarding her past.


	2. Chapter 2

ROUND 2

The second part of the date was not something Brienne would have chosen at all. After their sweaty exertions at the park, Brienne and the remaining three men were whisked over to the studio to take showers and change for a night at an exclusive dance club. 

Brienne had had dentist’s appointments she’d looked forward to more. Still, when Brienne got out of the Elimidate van and saw the men dressed up in front of the club, she was suitably impressed. Mostly.

While Jaime and Oberyn had both cleaned up very nicely indeed, Tormund was wearing the loudest shirt she’d ever seen, and no amount of studio grooming had managed to make sense of his bushy red beard. On the bright side, he would definitely take all of the attention off of her in the club. Even wearing the ridiculously tight electric blue tank dress they’d given her, she couldn’t compete with the spectacle which was Tormund.

Brienne walked towards the men shyly, barely resisting the urge to pull her dress down.

Jaime whistled, then looked self-conscious. 

“Agreed,” Oberyn said simply.

Brienne couldn’t help noticing that all three men were looking at her as if she were a particularly delicious meal. This was something new. She almost wished that Hyle were still around to witness it, although she supposed he would eventually see it on TV, along with everyone else from high school. 

Brienne the Beauty actually _was_ Brienne the Beauty tonight.

“You look...” Jaime started to speak.

“Fucking hot,” Tormund finished. “Here,” Tormund said, thrusting his arm into Brienne’s before either Jaime or Oberyn could get there. 

Once they got in the club, Tormund continued to aggressively stake his claim. Though all the men danced near her, Tormund kept trying to block the other two out, pushing himself between her and Oberyn and then her and Jaime. It was very difficult to talk, so all Brienne could do was look pleadingly at the other two men and disapprovingly at Tormund. He seemed oblivious as usual.

Finally, Brienne decided it would be better if they all just sat down at a table for a while. She slid into a booth, Oberyn excused himself to use the bathroom, and Jaime thoughtfully took drink orders for her and Tormund. 

As soon as Jaime left the table, all hell broke loose. Before Brienne could figure out what was happening, Tormund had scooped her up over his shoulder and was actually attempting to carry her out of the nightclub. Podrick and Hodor were hard on their heels, filming every moment of this unexpected drama.

Brienne meanwhile, began kicking and hitting Tormund trying to get him to put her down, but while she could best any man with a sword, her fists were not quite as effective at their present angle, and Tormund seemed to have so much padding on his body that the blows didn’t even affect him. Before Tormund could carry her out the door, however, Jaime and Oberyn spotted her distress and came running to her rescue. Each man rained punches on him from opposite sides, and finally he let Brienne go. She would have fallen had Jaime not grabbed her just in time. While Jaime grabbed her, Oberyn took up a defensive position near Tormund to prevent any further attacks.

“What the hell was that?” Brienne yelled, when she was back on solid ground. The whole night club had turned to watch the spectacle at this point. 

“It’s a tradition. Where I’m from in the North if you want a woman, you show her by carrying her off. I thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Well, as you can see I didn’t,” Brienne said.

“Oh,” Tormund said, sadly, the realization of his failure finally dawning. 

“You might treat women like that up North, but you’re dealing with a lady!” Jaime said. He was ready to aim a punch at Tormund, but Brienne stayed his hand.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I suppose he meant well. But you know you’re being elimidated, right?” Brienne asked.

Tormund nodded sadly. “Aye,” he said. “I would have carried you all the way home, though, for what it’s worth.”

Brienne found his words oddly touching despite the total inappropriateness of his actions. However, she was looking forward to being left alone with the only two serious contenders for her heart, Oberyn and Jaime. 

Tormund left the club to film his exit interview, and Brienne, Jaime and Oberyn had enough time left on this part of the date, that they were able to get some more dancing in. 

This time no one was blocking anyone out. Instead, Jaime and Oberyn took turns dancing in front of her and behind her, moving in progressively closer, until Brienne started to worry about what her father would think. Well, worried a little. She didn’t worry enough to stop them, because it was really hot. At one point it seemed as if Oberyn might be just as interested in dancing with Jaime as with her, and images of a threesome floated through Brienne’s head. She was pretty sure, though, that you couldn’t put that on TV.

 

ROUND 3

The last part of the date had been kept a secret, but didn’t surprise her in the least. For Round 3 Jaime, Oberyn and Brienne would be heading to Harrenhal Hot Tubs. 

Brienne felt simultaneously excited and worried. _How was she supposed to keep from acting like your usual sort of reality show slut in a hot tub with Jaime Lannister and Oberyn Martell? Should she even bother trying to restrain herself?_ Telling her about the destination Bronn the producer had broadly hinted that most contestants on the show made out with at least 2 of the eligible men before choosing one. Brienne decided, in the end, not to worry too much either way. Taking a page from Margaery, she decided to try to go with the flow.

Brienne changed into one of the bathing suit options the show had provided. Mercifully there was one tankini, with just small cut outs at the abdomen, also in blue. She wrapped a towel around her waist and went out to meet her dates.

It was Brienne’s turn to gape. Oberyn was wearing a short black boxer brief style suit which drew your eyes upward to his ridiculous six-pack. Jaime, on the other hand, was practically naked in a golden Speedo which left almost nothing to the imagination. And if she wasn’t mistaken he was having a hard time keeping his own imagination in check. No pun intended.

Brienne blushed and froze. She had absolutely no experience to compare this to. She had kissed a few boys when she was much younger. She had made out with a few other guys in the last few years, all disappointing and boring. None of them had called her back, and she hadn’t cared. She hadn’t been quite prepared for the experience of being a virgin on a show like this. 

Before getting into the hot tub, Bronn took Brienne aside and handed her a set of suggested questions to ask in Round 3. “You’ll want to ask at least a couple of these questions to ensure that the show is usable for broadcast,” he said. “That’s where you get the royalties from.” 

Brienne looked at him questioningly. Bronn took it as an invitation to give her some advice. “And if I were you, I’d go for the Lannister. He’s loaded. And call me sentimental, but I think you’d be good together.”

Brienne was flustered after reading the producer’s questions, but she had to go through with the rest of this date if she wanted to earn her money. She climbed into the hot tub and waited for the men to join her. When they got in, Oberyn sat right next to her, whereas Jaime sat across from her, looking at her searchingly.

Oberyn apparently wanted to get a good head start on the competition. He began running a finger down Brienne’s bare arm.

“Umm….” Brienne murmured. “I’m supposed to ask you some questions. Sorry,” she said, aware that the producers would want it to sound natural. 

“That’s okay,” Podrick said. “We can edit that bit out. Just ask the questions and try to smile.”

Brienne put on a nervous smile. “Umm… what are your fantasies?” Brienne asked Oberyn.

Oberyn spoke so low that Hodor had the boom mic practically on top of her head, while Podrick had to change positions to film them.

“I’d like to get you into a bedroom, strip you down and taste every part of your body.” 

“Oh,” Brienne gasped, as Oberyn kept stroking her arm, hypnotically. _Could people say things like that on TV?_

“Ummm… that sounds very nice,” she said, in an absurdly polite tone of voice. Oberyn didn’t seem to care what she said because all of a sudden his tongue was in her mouth and his arms were around her. 

Initially all Brienne felt was warm and aroused. Oberyn was quite clearly skilled at what he was doing as his tongue snaked around in her mouth, gliding over hers. But then she felt his hand go lower, to the opening in her tankini. As he tried to cross under the fabric to touch her below the waist, Brienne pushed herself out of his embrace.

“I think,” Brienne said, breathing heavily from the steam of the hot tub and the confusion of her own arousal, “that that’s enough for the moment.” Regaining her composure she looked over at Jaime who looked as if he was poised to come to her aid if needed. Oberyn sat back lazily in the tub, looking mainly amused at her confusion.

“Um… Jaime, what, ummmm… are your fantasies?” Brienne asked, sliding a bit farther from Oberyn.

“Wench… No, Brienne,” Jaime said. “Brienne, I would like to visit you on Tarth. I’d like you to show me around your island. I’d like to take a picnic and swim with you in the sea. I’d like to learn more about your dreams. And then, if you’d let me, I’d like to lie down next to you and look into your beautiful sapphire eyes.”

It was so cheesy that Brienne felt like she should want to gag. And yet, looking at him, he seemed perfectly sincere. _Could he be acting? What would be his motivation, though? He didn’t need the money, that was for sure._

“But wench,” Jaime said, “what’s _your_ fantasy?”

Brienne drew a blank and could come up with no answers that were fit for television broadcast. But she was starting to wonder if Jaime Lannister was going to kiss her or not. Maybe this was her chance to approach him. 

“I’d like to kiss you?” It came out as a question.

“Well, that’s easy enough,” Jaime said. He crossed over to where she sat, then ran his hand over her hair, gently, as if Brienne were small and delicate.

Then he slowly leaned in to touch her lips. His kiss was very different than Oberyn’s, but no less skillful. He started out gently, teasing her, but then slowly coaxed open her mouth. They fit together well, Brienne noticed, and when their tongues met, it was Brienne who wanted to run her hands down lower on his body.

Jaime, meanwhile, gripped her waist where the skin was bare, and ran his hand up her back. Brienne’s body was heating up and she wanted to close any distance between them.

After a minute or so of deep kissing, Brienne moved her legs onto Jaime’s lap, only to feel his erection under her thighs. 

Jaime let out a low moan.

Brienne’s eyes flew open in surprise, and she broke their kiss. She found Jaime looking back at her with a combination of lust and awe. For just a beat they stayed still, holding each other’s gaze. Then they plunged ravenously back into another kiss. 

Brienne forgot entirely about the camera crew, the eventual TV audience, and even Oberyn, as she climbed into Jaime’s lap and straddled him. Jaime’s hands ran up and down over her sides, until his fingers began creeping towards her chest. Brienne started unconsciously grinding herself into Jaime’s lap, working both of them into a frenzy. They were the only two people in the world.

The spell was broken by Podrick Payne.

“Ahem,” he cleared his throat. “Excuse me! Sorry! Um… Brienne!”

Brienne looked up in shock, suddenly aware of all the eyes on her. She felt as if she’d wandered onto a porn set, and somehow she was the star.

“We got some really good footage there,” Podrick said. “But umm… we can’t show some of this on TV. Maybe you want to wrap things up and choose your date?”

Brienne was blushing now, all over her body, as Jaime looked up at her hopefully, his hard cock still pressing into her, his strong hands still gripping her.

“Yes, of course,” Brienne said to Podrick. “I choose Jaime.”

“Uh…. no, no, sorry,” he said “You have to lead up to it, make it seem more suspenseful for the audience.”

Jaime was grinning like a boy. “Won’t they sort of suspect who she’ll choose anyhow?” Jaime asked.

“You’d be surprised what we can do with editing,” Bronn said.

“I’m sorry, Oberyn, you’re very attractive, it’s just…” Brienne started.

“Good good,” Podrick said, “But save that for the scene. Alright, places.” 

Brienne could hardly wait to finish the scene and take Jaime home.

 

EPILOGUE: 5 MONTHS LATER

Brienne was a bit nervous, sitting in front of her TV with a bowl of popcorn and a few friends. Her episode was about to air. 

“Yay! I’m so excited!” said Margaery, clapping her hands together.

“Tell us if we need to cover our eyes,” said Loras.

Margaery rolled her eyes. “Loras still thinks it’s cute to pretend he can’t stand looking at hetero romance. As if he’s _so gay_ he’ll just melt if he sees a breast.”

Loras stuck his tongue out at his sister and took a seat next to Renly on the couch.

“I think I can promise you, Loras, there will be plenty of men to ogle,” Brienne said.

“Like him?” Renly said, pointing towards the kitchen. 

“What’s that? _Who’s_ going to be ogling me now?” 

Jaime Lannister smiled as he came back from the kitchen carrying beers for him and Brienne.

“You can ogle my boyfriend of course,” Brienne said. “But you’ll probably like Oberyn Martell too.”

Jaime made a mock sad face as he handed Brienne her beer. “She nearly ditched me for him. I thought I was lost when he grabbed my wench in the hot tub.”

“Is he still calling you that?” Renly asked.

“Always,” Brienne said, rolling her eyes.

“Until the day we die,” Jaime said, wrapping an arm around Brienne. 

Margaery arched an eyebrow at her friend.

A furniture store commercial ended, and the distinctive “Elimidate” intro music started up. 

After the show Brienne would tell her friends about the sapphire ring sitting in a box on her nightstand and the date they should save next June. In the meantime, Brienne leaned back into Jaime’s arms, grateful that they’d always have a record of their very first date.


End file.
